That's what happened yesterday. Having had couple of years of turbulence in life in general I have finally come to a point of sitting down and really dreaming about where I want to go, what i want life to look like in the aftermath of very young children. My youngest starts school full time in September and that has kind of opened the mental floodgates to think about who I am and what I want to do. My boss has this really great way of getting me to dream and making anything seem possible with a bit of hard work.
So, over the last few days I've been off down the dreaming highway, with all kinds of ideas and passions coming to the surface for inspection as i try and make some sense of what drives me. Then a fair crucial piece of information came to light yesterday, one that is completely unavoidable but is a bit of a game changer, at least in the short term. Suddenly I'm faced with figuring out how to make day to day life work all over again.
Dreams shelved again.
For the meantime anyway.
I really tried very hard last night to process the changes in a calm manner. I have faced stupidly challenging situations in the last few years, so my immediate logical reaction is "you've faced things that looked even more impossible than this and it has always worked out" but emotions are tough things to silence. So I woke up this morning feeling really dejected about everything, feeling completely unable to see the wood for the trees.
But you know what, i will not be beaten. There will be a way through. I really just wanted to hide under my duvet this morning and pretend like it isn't happening but that isn't going to make it go away. Experience has taught me that doing things even when I don't really feel like it does an awful lot for my mental state. So I got the girls ready for school, had a coffee and a long hot shower. I chose my favourite clothes and took my time with my hair and make up even though I might not leave the house. I've filled the house with good music and allowed myself to breathe in the space.
So, the situation looks grim and really tricky...but you know, you and I overcome incredible odds every single day. If you're reading this and feel overwhelmed by a situation or just by life in general...you've got this!
I realise I'm trying to be a little superwoman in all this. I want to be able to handle it all on my own. I want to prove I can do it by myself, and a little bit of me is willing to suffer to prove a point.
That's pride talking and it's a bit nuts.
The key is connection. Whatever it is that you need to get through the day...ask. Find someone to ask. Stop feeling like this fight is yours alone to win. We find victory when we stand together in our struggles. No one expects you to do it all alone, and they don't expect me to either. Right, time to make some phone calls to some wonderful lovely people.
Have a good one xx
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